Accountability for Porn addiction: what, how & why
Are you feeling overwhelmed by the weight of pornography addiction?
Well, You’re not alone.
Not just because this is a widespread issue affecting countless lives globally, but because there are people out there who want to support and walk with you. To help lessen the load. If you have spent anytime trying to quit porn, you will know that both these things are true:
- Building honest and accountable relationships with other trusted people can be a vital tool to help you rise above this addiction.
- Letting others in is incredibly scary, but so much of the power of porn addiction is found in the secrecy.
We are only as sick as our secrets.
12 step movement
We are only as sick as our secrets. This is one of the many mantras from the 12-step movement. Perhaps you have heard it before. Put another way, connection is the opposite of addiction.
This is why this post is focused on accountability for porn addiction
- We’ll explain the importance of accountability for porn addiction, how it helps combat problematic and compulsive porn use, and the steps you can take to build relationships rooted in the kind of honesty and intentionality that help accountability thrive.
- We’ll also introduce you to Cat Etherington, the Director of Recovery at Naked Truth Project. She has personal experience of addiction, recovery and the importance of rigorously honest and accountable relationships. (You can jump straight into watching a conversation with Cat here)
So, What’s Accountability?
Accountability, as a word, can conjured up various ideas. Perhaps you think of holding politicians or big corps accountable for their mistakes, or does your mind go to being micro managed at work by a boss in the name of ‘accountability’? So what does accountability look like in the context of recovery? What is accountability for porn addiction?
Well, think of accountability as owning up to your actions instead of them owning you. Letting someone else speak into your life other than just the guilt and shame. In the fight against porn addiction, it means having someone in your corner, rooting for you, a supportive confidant to share your journey with you. Someone you can call, who has permission to ‘call you out.’
“someone you call, who has permission to call you out”
Why Bother with Accountability for porn addiction?
This is tough one, especially as being accountable and transparent with someone is scary, if you are not used to it. But accountability can be transformative for those struggling with porn addiction. It can:
- Enhance motivation to overcome addiction
- Increase awareness of your personal triggers
- Alleviate guilt and shame
- Encourage a greater sense of control in life
When we are accountable and honest about our porn use with someone else, it becomes practically impossible to live in denial or even minimise the problem. This often leads to us taking positive steps toward change. Or as Stephen Covey puts it “Accountability breed response-ability”. See what he did there!
Accountability breeds response-ability
Stephen R. Covey.
How to Build Relationships Based on Accountability
Creating relationships founded on honesty and accountability can be challenging, but the benefits are significant. Here are a few steps to guide you. We cover this in more depth during our conversation with Cat. Watch it here.
- Step 1: Find your person. Your first step is to find someone you trust implicitly, someone open-minded, supportive, and ready to listen. Someone who can support you but also challenge you.
- Step 2: Establish the Framework. Once you’ve found your person, it’s time to lay down the rules. Talk about what you hope to achieve, how often you’ll catch up, and what’s on and off the table for discussions. Hint: – Accountability for porn addiction isn’t just “meeting up to ‘fess up when you mess up.” It works best when you have a regular rhythm or pattern. Monthly, fortnightly, weekly. Whatever works for you.
- Step 3: Embrace Honesty. In any accountable relationship, honesty is key. Share your struggles, feelings, and thoughts, even when it feels challenging. An important moment to reach out and be honest is when you have been triggered. A call, Whatsapp or message when you are feeling vulnerable can be the difference between resisting and relapsing.
- Step 4: Be a Good Listener. Listening without judging is a big part of accountability, not just for the person who you have asked to support you, but you need to listen without judgment too. So, ask questions, and repeat back what you’ve heard to show you’re really getting it. Particularly the challenging things they are saying. As you listen to their advice also listen to your reactions. If you feel yourself getting defensive or insecure, ask yourself what is causing that response, spend time talking about that and reflect.
- Step 5: Consider using software to help. Software like Covenant Eyes which will send a report to your assigned accountability ally. Using Ai this software can monitor your internet use and flag up any questionable websites to whoever you are accountable to. Some people in recovery find this helpful both as a preventative measure and as a catalyst for conversations. Find out more here.
- Step 6: Consider group work. Finding that person to be accountable to can be difficult at first. Particularly if you haven’t really talked about your porn addiction to many people. Naked Truth provides small group programmes, that meet online, and can help you figure out how to grow in your accountability even if you haven’t got your “accountability partner” sorted yet.
“This is probably one of the most life-changing things for me”
Click to Kick Group Member
To find out more about Naked Truth’s group programmes like Click to Kick and WholeLife, click here.
Accountability in the Real World, Cat Etherington’s story.
Cat Etherington is the Director of Recovery at Naked Truth Project. She is a seasoned guide in the realm of porn addiction recovery. Her professional expertise may make her an invaluable part of our team, but her personal journey has been key to those on a similar path. We sat down with Cat and talked about recovery and accountability.
You have read the blog, why should you listen to this conversation?
This blog is a summary of our conversation with Cat, but if you want a more in-depth understanding, do watch the videos. You’ll gain:
- A better understanding of the recovery process: The conversation offers valuable insights into the recovery process, especially for porn addiction. Learn about the challenges and struggles that individuals face when trying to overcome addiction, as well as the tools and strategies that aid recovery.
- Deeper insights on accountability: Gain a more profound understanding of what accountability means, how it can be implemented, and the transformative impact it can have on individuals and their relationships.
- Insights from an expert: Listen to Cat’s story and expertise. Benefit from her personal experience of addiction and recovery, as well as her professional insights into the realm of accountability for porn addiction. If you’re looking for inspiration and guidance on your recovery journey, this interview is a must-listen!